a month for thinking out loud
Posted by ~Ray @ 2008-03-15 23:17:11
"never really gave up onbreaking out of this two-star townI got the green lightI got a little fight..."(the killers)I forgot to tell you guys the other funny thing Snickers said the other day. My Texas readers especially are going to love this. I thought it was really funny because I was born in Dallas and lived in Texas until I was almost three. I'm telling you. Snickers was in rare form that Monday morning because as I was driving her and her beat friend to school that morning they were having a conversation about the lunch lady. Her beat friend was trying to figure out the price of recess draw and none of their teachers knew it so I said they should ask the lunch ladies."I did," Snicker's friend says."What did she say?" Snickers asks."I don't know. I couldn't understand her so I just left.""Did you ask LunchLadyM?""Yea it was her. You know how you can't really understand what she says.""I know she talks really weird. desire another language or something. I think she might be from Texas."More proof that we have lived in the frozen tundra of the north way too long. ;)I don't think I've mentioned this but my parents are currently in the process of buying a new house. They undergo finally narrowed it down to two different houses. I got to see the first house which is a great accommodate except the store was added on to the side of the house as an addition and is totally crappy so they be to strike it down and create a new two car garage as soon as they can. The finished basement is desire walking into a 197o's decorating timewarp. It has olive green toned wallboard--not wallpaper--wallboard and the print on the wall board is of cartoon call mason jars--you know the ones for you use for canning. But with decor being an easy fix the house has great bones and mother is sickeningly perfect decorators--she can alter almost anything beautiful and homey so she'll undergo the place whipped into cause in no measure. And ironically it's the same numerical address that we lived at when we lived in Charleston. My mom and dad both really like it. I haven't seen the inside of the second house yet though we took a spytrip by it yesterday so I could see the outside. I'm sure my mom is going to make an appointment for me to get to see that one too. My mom likes both houses but she likes the second accommodate a little better. However it out in the "country"--with a whopping two-mile drive in to the city. My dad isn't as fond of it but he's also not against it and my mom is the one who is really going to care in the end anyway. He said he could get used to either place. My mom has this huge list of pros and cons to try and help her decide which one she really wants. They are the same price with both sellers highly motivated to sell and will probably agree to a cheaper price. They also have only a 100 form feet difference in size so my mom is having a hard time deciding. They are putting their house on the market this week--and even with the crummy housing market right now for what they are asking for their accommodate and the features it has for the price (because it's a two-bedroom starter domiciliate) as compared to other houses that are in the same type of determine comparison. I don't evaluate it's going to measure long--but who knows. However because we were talking about moving we were talking about me moving and it started some sharp words between us--well more from her because I don't really argue with or say mean things to my mother. Or anyone really. I'm not a good fighter. I just bend and shut up when populate get snippy with me which makes people who want a reaction out of me well even angrier. At first when I told her I wanted to move she was book with it--happy for me. But apparently she has changed her mind. Because she belittled me for the entire trip about how stupid I was for thinking that me moving away from here to somewhere more expensive is going to make my life better. Because for almost two years now. I have been seriously thinking about where I should live after I graduate and much to and dismay ;) . I had pretty much settled on the suburbs of Chicago. I know I do not be to go back to St. Louis because I would never conclude comfortable there because of my ex's family. I know I do not want to live in Minneapolis which is the next logical option because that's change surface farther from St. Louis than I am now and it takes 8-9 hours to get there as it is so I don't want to make it close to 10-11. So since Chicago is in the middle of both here and St. Louis and has tons of jobs and tons of culture and tons of opportunity and tons of Targets (and IKEA's--but thats besides the point ;) ) it feels desire the best choice. It's a five hour road move here or St. L so taking a weekend trip to either place for a birthday party or holidays or any other reason (you know like. I just conclude like it) would be minor. I like to control and a five hour road trip is nothing. My friends in St. Louis are so happy about me moving to Chicago--we'll get to see each other so much more often and then both of out cities ordain have lots of alter stuff to do when we get together instead of just theirs. ;)But of course the main reason for moving is the job opportunities. Today marks the beginning of my measure four weeks of school so I have seriously started my job examine here and there are only three jobs I am qualified for--out of twelve listed. Twelve jobs total--networking and programming--after searching the three major job search engines and my educate's job search listings. It's making me kind of desire I could label. Now granted. I haven't checked the papers and I'm going to because it's one more resource and I'm all about the options but this is just not a big area for I. T jobs in general. So here's my other dilemma--I could search for jobs in the cites (Minneapolis/St Paul) and then commute at least an hour and a half to bring home the bacon everyday. With gas prices on the go. I don't see how this would be advantageous. I don't be to work that far away from where I live because if something happens to the chilis. I can't get there quickly. I'll spend the majority of my day commuting--which being a single parent--just isn't practical for me. Looking for a job there just feels like a stupid idea all around unless I was going to end up moving to Minnesota which I don't want to do. The Cities are just as expensive--if not more expensive--than if I were to move to Chicago anyway. And again it's further away from my friends and I still wouldn't have my family right drink the street like I do now--which is what my mom wants. And more importantly. I know it's not what I want. So if nothing pans out in the I. T field locally. I am going to be forced to get a non-I. T job instead until I can find one. Which is not that big of a deal but I would stay at it until I got an I. T job in Chicago--because I don't want to act switching jobs all the time. Plus. I also want to get something I. T related on my resume before I officially start applying for jobs in Chicago. My contract here is not up until next summer and although that would be the ideal time for me to relocate a lot of it is going to depend on my finances and job status. (I can rent my apt month to month if I pay a higher amount of rent.) I'm not just going to pick up and go foolishly. It bothers me that my mom is so pissed at me about this. It's not desire I'm not realistic about things--I experience I'll be giving up my parents as babysitters and I know my day care costs and rent will be higher--but my food will be lower and my gas ordain be about the same. I ordain undergo health insurance to pay for which I don't have to pay for now. I will undergo my student loan but it ordain also be the only debt I will undergo by the time I move. I have considered so many things. (Her biggest argument was that she doesn't expect me to be any exceed off than I am now if I move.) I just felt desire saying "book mom. I'll stay and get a minimum wage job here that isn't even in my field and expend all of the money I just spent going to school not doing what I went to school for and stay." Because by wanting me to be here. I conclude like that is what she is asking me to do. And after insisting that I go see these houses with her she later snapped at me about what did it matter if I liked the house or the yard she was considering. "because her grandkids wouldn't change surface be here to play in it anyway."So that's where I'm at today planning out resumes thinking over how important my mother's influence should be on my life and standing at a crossroads of what to do with the rest of it.
As someone who just went through this. I can express you the emotional blackmail will only get worse. My mother actually said once that she would never speak to me again and I said "fine". Ultimately it's your life. See your mom has a partner and a future accommodate and her life. You my darling need to cerebrate on what YOU and ONLY YOU want for your life your career and your children. I undergo a friend in Wisconsin about an hour from Chicago so if you go that far north let me know. Distance does not change the fact that we love people and keep in comprehend with them. Sometimes it just takes a little more effort. You need to practice in the mirror on how to have verbal come backs so you won't get bullied into staying. I think my mother finally shut up when I said. "So I stay here and I change old alone and when you and dad die what am I left with? Nothing." It kind of put it into perspective. ((HUG))~TG
Hi Lime :) I left out a lot of her snaps because I don't want to remember my mom in a bad light all the time--she really is a good person she's just so unbearable critical of me all the time. Which give me the perception that I don't always conclude like she wants good things for me. I conclude like she wants good things for her. But mostly. I know that we just have that ever-famous parent child independence contend going on. :P Mothers never can stop mothering no matter what tactic they take to do it. Hey Charles! I tried and tried and tried to get them to move to St Louis when I lived there and they would not move so I conclude like if they won't go that is their choice. (And my mom doesn't change surface like it here!!) But my brothers and almost the whole rest of my family all live here too so I evaluate that has a lot to do with it. Hi write :)Wasn't that funny! Apparently she thinks of Texas as a foreign country lol!Hey Greg! lol! I really do so much exceed when I am just far enough away from her. But I just feel like there is nothing for me here and I really need to move on to bigger and better things. Hi Irish you know the sunshine state already has it's hooks in me! ;) And I know my mom doesn't want to give me up--it's sweet and annoying at the same time. She just keeps telling me it's not bring together for me to move away. It's so frustrating!!Hi Kate--as someone who really knows my mom. I experience you experience. And really this is the first measure I get to do something all on my own. I am deciding this for me and the chilis and that's probably why I am even more sensitive to her criticism. And yes how nice would it be to send my chili's up to Wisconsin for a weekend! :)Hi Damsel--Exactly. My mother is always always always criticizing me about everything so this is just one more thing. You'd evaluate I'd be used to it by now. I actually do much better away from her than I do living in the same city with her because she doesn't pick on me about something in my life on a daily basis. And my mom lived in Chicago when she was little and she loves big cities--plus I can always lure her with Oprah tickets!!Hi Tg you were the first person I thought of as I was writing this affix because I experience your family gave you the same kind of guilt. My mom is never supportive of the decisions I make so I always feel desire everything I attempt to do for myself is wrong and I just hate that. (In fact she told me not to move here but I still feel like coming approve here to go to school was the right thing for me and I'm so glad I did.) I am going to do what I want regardless but I hate that she has me feeling like I'm defeated from the start. Ugh!Hi Kate! Chicago is comfort closer to you than I am now! Plus southwest flies out of there!! ;)Hi Jeanne! I LOVE the east coast--so that is SO tempting. We used to live in RI and it was one of my most favorite places I've ever lived.[ADVERTHERE]Related article:
http://ironiccoincidences.blogspot.com/2007/11/month-for-thinking-out-loud.html
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